hmmmm........ lots of things to think about

goals in life..!

2009-06-24T23:25:00.003+08:00

finally! i've got a job..!

long time back when i was still studying.. i always tell ppl that i cant wait to study finish n work.. n their replies are always the same.. "work?? u've nv work before so u duno.. wait till u really start work.. den u'll regret n want to go back to studying.. trust me."

years down the road.. im working already.. and i im not regretting. in fact, im very eager to go to work.. i look forward to earning my salary.. because i have certain goals in life.. and the only way to achieve them is to work..

i'm must say.. i am actually very fortunate.. i was jobless for 5-6 mths.. and 1 day i accepted a temp admin job of $7/hr.. i must say as a graduate.. not many ppl are willing to do so.. but well.. i didnt want to rot away at home anymore.. so what the hell.. i just jumped right in.. i didnt even know wad was the job about when i signed the contract.. i was tt desperate..

1st day at work i realise i was in the events & promo dept. not bad! at least i got into the correct dept with regards to my major.. although the job title n description can be way better off... so i basically "bao sua bao hai".

times passed.. an opportunity presented itself to me.. the position that i was suppose to help assit was suddenly vacant.. thus.. i basically took over the position.. but still with my "temp pay".. im fortunate.. that my boss tot enough of me to asked me if i wanted to convert..i was more than happy!

now.. 3 months in.. i've got a job doing events.. i get to interact with different kinds of ppl from all over.. i get to go to different locations.. to liaise with convention centres, restaurents, clubs, venues, n all that.. n of cos with all tt.. the admin & logistics work still remain.. but im contented.. im being paid well.. and im finally on my way to the future that i want.

most importantly of all.. i have my gf.. who has been ever so supportive of me.. while i was jobless.. she gave me moral support n encourage me when i was losing my motivation and sense of self-importance..

when i started working.. naturally our time together is cut down by a whole lot.. with this.. she feels sad at times.. cos we do miss each other a whole lot.. but at the same time.. we are still very happy.. cos even though im working.. n she is working part-time n studying.. we still find the time to meet up and go out.. i feel loved.. n im sure she feel the same way too.. ppl will say its tiring to do so.. to meet up after work n all tt.. but im not tired. not at all. in fact i feel very eager to do so..

as u can probably see already.. im often quite the contrary to wad ppl normally say.. ppl in normal acadamic cannot make it in life.. being nice guy doesnt get u anywhere(or any girl).. u'll nv understand certain things n situations.. u'll prefer studying n hate working.. u'll feel tired to meet ur gf after work.. these are just some of the many that i've heard..

i do n see things the way i see them.. ppl are bais and have thier own views.. so do i.. i know that i will be happy.. i know that we'll be happy (me n my gf).. i know that she(my gf) will be happy..

i am indeed.. very fortunate.. in the recent months when i started to work.. is actually the first time in my life that i feel im actually doing something constructive towards my future.. its like.. im finally starting to move a couple of steps closer.. and i couldnt be happier to do so.. i've been looking forward to this point in time for so long.. n its finally here.. and im sure.. as always.. stupid things that ppl say wun hv much effect on me..

so.. look out world!!! dun stand in my way! if not me n my gf will just trample over u without any regret! ;p

p.s. my future = me n my gf's future together.. as most of our frens know.. i cant wait to hv that future that we always wanted =)
baby.. i'll always support u no matter wad.. u are my pillar of love n hope n all things good.. i am the same for u too. ^^
as i write this post.. esp the parts where i mentioned about my gf.. that i feel that my eyes become that little bit more watery.. i am very fortunate.. because i have you baby.. =)
we'll pull through together.. no matter how small the steps.. at least we're heading towards the direction that we want.. =)

blahhhh....!

2009-03-23T21:03:00.002+08:00

blahhh....!!!! (ranting-mode)

4 months since G-day (aka graduation day)
.
.
.
countless applications
.
.
.
20 over insurance-related replies rejected
.
.
.
5 interviews
.
.
.
zero follow ups
.
.
.
(sigh...)

blahhhh...~
hope things pick up soon! i want a job~!~!

my 2009 wish list..!

2009-03-14T16:06:00.004+08:00

Here is my most immediate wish list for 2009..!

+

+

Cheers!

p.s.

and hopefully if all goes well.. in some years time.. this too. ^^

+

dreams do come true

2008-05-15T15:10:00.002+08:00

blog entries are amazing things.. as soon as i post my hopes n wishes.. the very next moment it comes true. lol.. im of cos referring to my previous post that i want a hand to hold, some1 to hug and all those.. well.. im so extremely happy to say.. i do have someone now.. lol.. a very special someone whom im attached to.. and whom i hope will be spending lots of time and activities and dreams together.. ^^ i dont really know wad to say, cos words cant really describe all the emotions im feeling right now.. haha.. so i guess tts all for now again. till next time.. ^^

a day after exams..! in sarawak..!

2008-05-10T00:09:00.003+08:00

exams are over! can finally breath a sigh or relieve.. currently im over in bintulu, sarawak attending my sister-in-law's side of the wedding dinner. feel happy for them ^^ but i dun really feel happy for myself.. =/ i look around.. everyone is so happy. my brother and sister in law.. or my most of my frens.. with their partners and all. but for me.. i am just seriously feeling empty at times.. all these thoughts isnt just for the sake of having a gf or feeling desperate.. its just the empty and hollow feeling.. one that i have been feeling for quite some time already.. no hands to hold.. no arms to rest on.. no one to hug.. to lie and sleep beside.. no face to see while waking up.. just feeling drained.. and tired.. and empty.. i wonder when i'll be filled up.. with all the emotions again.. i want a shoulder to lie on.. i want someone to hug while falling asleep together.. i want that wonderful feeling of opening ur eyes in the morning and the 1st thing u will see is that someone.. right next to u..

guess i shdnt be feeling so emo.. its my brother's wedding..! i shd be happy.. cos eventually it'll be my turn! i really want to see that day come.. kind of day dreaming.. considering the fact tt i dun even hv a gf.. but ya.. i really want that..

"Who doesn't long for someone to hold..
Who knows how to love you without being told..
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own..
If there's a soulmate for everyone..."

thought of the day

2008-05-02T22:50:00.002+08:00

random thought of the day..!

"fate only brings you up to a certain point.. whatever happens next is all in your own hands."

"if its meant to be.. den its meant to be.." often i hear ppl say this sentance.. well.. its true in a certain way.. but i kinda disagree with it as well. bcos like the quote above.. i believe fate.. or yuan fen.. can only create chanced meetings or such.. bringing u right in front of maybe the person u like.. or maybe some opportunity that might improve ur life.. BUT.. in order for it to happen.. u have to do something about it.. its kinda like seeing something.. maybe money on the floor.. and wondering if ur gonna pick it up. its nv gonna get blown by the wind n smack u right in the face right..? its all up to the person to pick it up or not.. there are many times whereby ppl blame alot of stuffs on fate.. saying y things that happen to others doesnt happen to them as well.. why this why that.. well.. i guess tts bcos they didnt "pick it up" so to speak.. to take matters into thier own hands when its right in front of them..

fate.. its a very easy target for ppl to blame their misgivings or misfortunes on.. and i think thats very unfair.. fate is very wu gu de.. so try to cut fate some slack alright..? haha.. cos if u think about it.. fate is happening everyday to everyone out there.. its working really hard.. so do try to appreciate it.. cos im sure tt the rewards will certainly mean a whole lot to everyone doing so.. ^^

looking up into the sky

2008-04-19T11:53:00.002+08:00

recently i've been staring blankly at many things.. not thinking about anything.. or rather cant think about anything.. lol.. too much things flooded in my mind already.. too much things that are stuck in there n simply cant stop thinking about.. lol.. including the dreaded exams. bleah.. tts all for now.. dun wish to think about anything at all.. hmm.. hao fan ah~~

>.<

yay!

2008-04-07T20:26:00.001+08:00

finally handed up all the projects and assignments! phew... i would like to thank all those that hv given me support all these time.. for thier faith and believe in me.. thank you..!

next.. in 2 weeks time.. the exams..! lol.. hv to jiayou.. ^^

"business partners"

2008-04-02T00:14:00.002+08:00

i have no idea why.. but i am extremely against MLM.. lol.. but anything related to that.. please stay away from me..

y am i saying this? cos jus now i went to meet a person thinking it was an innocent meet up to chit chat.. end up.. most of the time the topic was on her looking for a business partner.. business partner?? dont u know excessive use of that word gives u away? couple that with the thing about aiming to drive a porsche as ur first car.. well.. i've been to too many mlm talks to not know what is going on.. lol.. and yet i still entertain her.. funny.. afterall im from marketing.. so i find it interesting that how so many ppl end up doing such things.. when the failure rate is like so damn high.. well.. i wouldnt mind hiring such ppl for my sales force in the future.. at least they are willing to ping their lao ming.. haha..

hmm.. which sets me thinking.. i will enter the work force when im 26.. by 30 yrs old.. i wonder how much i can earn... 5-6k per month? is that a realistic target? well.. even if its not realistic.. that is the least how much i want to be earning when im 30.. god i feel old.. lol..

alright.. till next time

raining in my mind

2008-04-01T10:30:00.003+08:00

my exams are fast approaching.. i guess.. that means i have to start my study regime very soon.. thus will have even less time for me to do anything else.. less time to make available for asking ppl out.. particularly her..

i miss spending time with her.. miss her lying on my shoulder..miss going food hunting or just lazing around or just watching tv at her place.. and.. most importantly.. i felt cared for by her.. hmm.. i think of her all the time, but im not doing anything. i want to call and msg her.. to visit her.. but im afraid.. because suddenly.. it feels different.. the msgs and the calls.. its gotten less.. it feels cold.. like the distance is increasing..

yes i like her.. and i must be joking if i say i do not wish for her to be my gf.. i used to think that i had a pretty good chance.. but.. now.. well.. i dont know.. im kind of preparing for the worst.. lol..

hmm.. we'll see.. ^^ ciaos

dear blog

2008-03-31T22:23:00.007+08:00

dear blog,

i've been really busy and quite tired recently.. mostly because the due dates of all my projects are reaching(like in a weeks time!).. and my group members have all suddenly become hardworking..! almost without fail everyday we would be doing proj.. from noon till the evening.. and also for the rest of this week as well..

so i guess more or less for the rest of this week, i wont be able to go out.. lol.. well.. i want to go out.. but i cant.. cos i think.. no1 is really free or most ppl will be too tired to come out at nite.. actually.. anywhere is fine.. cos.. i dont really like to stay at home.. at least not when im alone anyway.. the clock tends to tick a tad slower.. and my mind tends to wonder.. which isnt very healthy.. haha.. tts why.. i'd rather be outside.. i dont care where.. just anywhere.. as long as im not alone in my room..

most of the time when im alone.. i feel like an empty shell.. i dont know why.. i just feel this way.. i get emo easily most of the time in fact..but seldom do i show it to anyone.. cos i tend to recover quite quickly.. only once in a long long while while i remain emo for a long period of time... i guess... the reason why im able to optimistic and easy going.. is because.. for the more recent part of my life(say maybe.. 4-5 yrs?).. whenever i feel down.. where isnt anyone there that will console and motivate me..? at least to my liking anyway.. lol.. even when i was really really down with all my problems.. i was the one going around consoling other ppl n listening to thier problems.. because.. i guess in their eyes.. my problems were simple problems.. lol.. =/

so.. how did i past those periods of time when i was down? i spent it alone in my room.. only with myself having to motivate n reason myself out of all the crap that was running around my head... it was really torturing and tiring.. having to reason whatever good there is left of whatever problems that i had.. but i managed.. maybe that is why i always can at least try to find any glimpse of hope there is for anything..

when im with certain ppl.. nothing about such tiredness or emo-ness will spring to my mind.. its like none of those exist.. my only concentration will be on whoever that is there with me.. only when im back home.. and the dust starts to settle and only the 4 walls staring at me.. all the wondering thoughts and negative things slowly will come to me..

that is why i do not like to stay at home.. cos whenever im at home or in my room.. i will associate it with the past.. thus.. automatically.. i will start to wonder.. and think.. and my mind will run wild.. ultimately spinning into the emo kind of feeling..

well... ya.. for the past few days.. its been really quiet.. i've been sitting in my room for way too long for my liking.. but apparently.. not much is going on for me.. my hp's been really quiet.. my msn list consist of a whole list of ppl that i do not chat with.. everyone is busy with thier own stuffs.. im just sitting here stoning most of the time when im not in school..

back in my army days.. i use to sigh a whole damn lot.. seriously.. all my army frens even acknowledge that fact.. so its really weird how this guy who sighs everyday like its the end of the world turn into a guy who ppl nowadays say is extremely optimistic.. i guess.. like someone once told me b4.. its because i've locked myself up in my room for too damn long in the past.. or up the mountain.. ultimately reaching enlightenment.. haha..

anyway.. i guess thats all for now.. feeling quite down recently.. thinking about various things.. but.. even if everything goes awfully wrong and i get nothing out of everything.. i guess i'll still be able to console myself.. hopefully..? =/

till next time.. cheers

yours sincerely and truthfully,
ben

boring sunday

2008-03-30T15:38:00.001+08:00

bored..! just sitting here with nothing to do.. stoning.. so bored that i even went to study for 3 hrs just now.. what a way to spend my weekend.. sigh.

who am i..?

2008-03-29T21:24:00.006+08:00

*the course of our life is determined by how we react, what we decide, and what we do in the darkest of times... the nature of that response determines a person's true worth and greatness..*

saw this sentence as part of my fren's msn nickname.. and it sets me thinking.. about who i am at this moment in time. the past.. not much really happened in my life.. pretty mundane and ordinary life by any standards.. which.. by any accounts.. is a good thing. right? no darkest of time.. no life threatening events.. no desperate attempts to save anything from falling apart.. no financial burdens.. pretty much quite well taken care of.. thanks to my parents. thus.. i am not really great at this point in time.. because i hadnt need to do anything much so far.. right? hmmm... i dont have to worry about so many things.. things that would tear people and families apart.. decisions that if made wrongly would destroy whatever hope and happiness there is left in them.. critical choices that would make or break one's future..

so.. why oh why do i feel like crap because i am fortunate.. why u ask? its probably because i hear this "you'll never understand cos u've nv been through it" sentence , and being angry at me none the less, one too many time. (okie.. maybe just a couple of times.. but still..)

there arent many things that can get on my nerves.. in fact, rarely.. is there anything that can do that to me.. n even more rarely.. do anyone at all.. seen me angry. but. this is one sentence that without fail.. sets me up. why am i talking about such things..? because couple of days ago.. i heard it said to me again.. well.. a slight variation of it anyway.. the previous few times someone said such a thing to me... hmmm... i didnt maintain contact with those frens anymore. actually.. i remember 2 particular case.. lol..

so suddenly a person who claims to be less fortunate has a god given right to be angry with the not so fortunate? and thus with this "u'll never understand.." sentence, it makes them feel greater and on a higher plain than any other people?

if ppl see me as being fortunate.. thats perfectly fine.. even though i myself think im jus an average ordinary guy.. but dont get angry because of such.. i hv did nothing wrong. its not my fault that my parents are more business savvy. its not my fault that i dont hv to worry about any problems. and its certainly not my fault for making such people mad because i try to understand and care of people..

its called empathy.. and i think many people lack this word in their dictionary. that is why many a times.. ppl get angry or hate one another.. u can say i am very realistic.. but.. im not.. i believe in connections at the top. but i have none.. i believe playing politics get u to places.. but i seldom engage in any.. i believe in setting high expectations for myself.. but i always expect the worst.. i believe in many things that people deem to hate to the guts.. but i rarely expose myself to such things..

people say i am innocent.. chun zhen.. i have nv seen the world.. that i have no idea how hard life can be... that is very wrong.. i know how hard life can be.. i know what works in the world.. maybe not as much.. but still i have some ideas of it.. i know how poor people can be.. i also know how filthy rich a person can be.. i have seen them.. but yet.. i am still.. what ppl deem me to be.. innocent.. chun zhen.. like a protected child..

so... who am i..? realistic.. yet always in my own fantasy world..? pessimistic.. yet always being optimistic..? scheming.. yet always being true to heart? knowing that i am able to do it.. yet always anticipating the worst..? lonely.. yet always being cheerful..? crude.. yet always unable to criticize?

its been quite some time.. since i wished i can graduate as soon as possible.. i want to go out and work and earn my own money.. get my own life.. my own house.. my own car.. and many more.. because i am quite sick n tired of people saying that i am fortunate.. yes i am.. so? get on with your life already.. if u genuinely want to congratulate me for being so.. than good for u and may u be blessed. but if ur jealous and want to get angry, make fun of, and ridicule me for me being so.. than please proceed on with dwelling in that miserable life of yours. cos i have no interest in what happens of u.

so please dun blame me for being fortunate.. dun blame me for not being in a worse position than i am right now.. dun blame me for trying to have empathy and be understanding..

because.. who am i....? well.. its up to ppl to judge.. but.. i think... i am just a nice guy.. and like they always say.. nice guys finish last.. and being a lan hao ren.. brings u nowhere in life.. but.. i still believe in being nice.. because this is who i am.. and this is what i believe in.. =)

*ps. the above is just a rant cos i've been feeling a little under the weather lately.. lol.. it isnt directed at anyone.. even though i mentioned a couple of ppl.. please dont take it to heart.. just felt like i needed to talk about certain things.. cos i hope ppl can understand where im coming from.. ^^*

**ps. ps. erm... actually.. its because the person i liked said that to me.. so.. i felt under the weather.. lol.. cos.. if it was said by anyone else.. i couldnt care less.. but since she said it.. hmmm... it kinda shaken me a little.... but trust me.. i certainly hv no intention of breaking off contact with her.. nonono... i would rather die.. haha.. well.. since she did asked me once before if there is anything i do not like.. well.. i guess heres one thing that i do not like ^^ **

:: random thought of the day ::

2008-03-18T21:30:00.002+08:00

recently.. my friends has been surprised.. and saying that the things i say tend to consist of a certain sting.. but not to them of cause.. lol.. normally such words are always directed to people or things that i do not like or disapprove of. ^^

because in the 1st sem of uni, i was all quiet.. always keeping certain comments to myself. but all of a sudden i say stuffs that i think.. i wonder if its a good thing. hmmm... maybe in a way.. afterall, i am in the marketing field.. i gotta let my ideas be known n heard at times. so i guess.. its good progress.. at least im less shy.. haha.. (im still as shy.. but just lesser by abit.. lol)

*update on my life*

- been really busy with projects nowadays, cause all the datelines are coming fast and furious. but im sure they will all be cleared soon.

- spent a wonderful day at sentosa this past saturday. was really relaxing.. the sky did us a great favour and provided us with a really great weather.

- but the next day was kinda.. hmm.. up and down-y? lol.. cant really say i recieved a bombshell.. cos i also kinda half-expected as much.. but nevertheless it still affected me a little.. haha.. but its alright.. i already knew her position.. and i knew where im coming from.. so im still gonna say and maintain the same things that were said in my previous posts.. hee.. ^^ i believe that u will come through all of this.. doesnt matter how long it takes.. all thats important is that u will definitely end up with a wonderful life.. that is what i foresee.. n what i sincerely believe. and by then, i hope that everyday.. i will get to see ur brightly lid smile, with ur one-sided dimple showing at every moment.. lol. *i know i know... u will definitely feel very suan/tired on ur cheeks.. but i dont care. i'll still try.. cos as long as ur smiling.. its all that matters.. haha ;p*

thats all for now. cheers

sharing some of my thoughts..!

2008-03-12T20:34:00.002+08:00

its been such a long time... since anyone hooked onto my arm, and lie on my shoulder.. it was a really nice feeling. one that i really enjoy. such cosy-ness, with a tint of 幸福-ness..? on my part at least.. lol. ("cosy-ness, with a tint of 幸福-ness"??? amazing how i try to describe the feeling with my limited knowledge of descriptive words.. haha.)

i wish it would have gone on forever... lol

hmmm.. after some stoning and thinking.. i think.. shy isnt the right word to use to describe me at certain times.. because, (at least this is wad im thinking...) i'm not your bf.. (as of now? though i really wished i am.. haha..).. thus.. i dont know what i can.. or cannot do.. whether certain actions will be too over, thus making it look awkward.. or too little.. thus making me look shy..

*i would love to hold ur hand.. knowing that ur hand feels emtpy.. i would love to support ur waist.. knowing that u often mis-step and tend to stumble a little.. i would love to offer u my arm.. for u to hold on too.. and my shoulder.. for u to rest ur head on.. knowing that u are feeling tired.. i would love to hug and hold on to u longer.. knowing that u too.. need such a feeling of tenderness.. and most of all.. i would love to provide u with warmth.. knowing that u will feel cold quite easily...i wish.. to ask u to be my gf...*

there are many things that u have told be before.. and i completely understand where ur coming from.. i think.. i will always remain "shy", at least until u have achieved the stability that u are currently searching for.. (*dreaming-mode* or... at least until u are willing to accept me as.. maybe something more..? haha..)

because.. knowing that u do not wish to allow urself to have a partner at this point in time.. i too.. cannot allow myself to attempt anything too drastic.. cos i should be giving u support.. instead of deterring u.. cos.. im afraid that if i do too much, u might back away.. and that.. i certainly do not want happening..

and besides, as of now.. with u being so determine to not have a r/s.. if i do try.. i would certainly fail.. wouldnt i? lol. and that would definitely affect whatever good and enjoyable time we're having together right now.. which isnt wad i want, because.. wad i want.. is to be with u.. lol.. (if not in those thosseee sense.. than its in the "go out together play be happy" kind of sense)
we still have a whole list of things that we will be doing together, and i am really looking forward to each and everyone of them.. and even more ^^

i think this is one battle that will slowly unravel with time.. (hopefully sooner rather than later.. cos i hv a theory.. but i'll talk about it some other time.. haha..) if.. i make it through.. i think.. i will be one hack of a fortunate guy. and i sincerely believe that.. u too.. will be a hack of a fortunate girl.. because.. if it all ends well.. u would have a much better balance to ur hopes and dreams.. and on top of that maybe even a having a partner that is able to take on ur ambition and ur limited nonsense? lol..

meanwhile, of cos, i will certainly try to improve on my "shyness", hope to hit that 50% that u mentioned.. haha.. and will improve on other things as well.. and strive in my studies.. and my career too..! its for my own good afterall. ^^

*daydreaming-start*
well... for all of the above.. unless.... u are willing to.. accept.. me.. as something more than a good friend.. sooner rather than later? lol.. well.. i can dream.. can i? haha.. omg.. wad on earth am i talking about.. lol.. (ps. okie.. i pray tt i didnt scare u away already.. lol.)
*daydreaming-stop*

blehh.. suddenly all these sounds like its a script out of a fairytale channel 8 drama.. lol.. and long-winded. ;p i tend to think alot.. if u ppl haven already realised.. haha..
but i guess.. these are my current thoughts on my current situation, and i dont want it to bottle up in me.. so there u go..! lol.

hmm.. till the nxt time~ ciao..!

pass my driving!

2008-01-31T00:07:00.000+08:00

today mark another significant step for this year.. cos i finally got my driving license..! hopefully will get to drive on the road soon.. as soon as i convince my parents to let me "borrow" the car.. lol..

2nd wk of 2008

2008-01-18T22:41:00.000+08:00

2 more wks to my driving test! woo-hoo... must pray more often for this 2 wks. hope all goes well. lol.. since im on this topic.. here are some pics of my dream car.

the audi R8..! nice.. lol.. alright, enough of my dreaming.. pass my driving 1st than say.. correct? wait for my good news on the 30th of this month! ;p

its 2008..!

2008-01-01T16:26:00.000+08:00

yep! its finally a new year..! give me 3 cheers..!

*silence*

come'on! u can do better than that~!

*silence*

i cant hear u..! even crickets could do louder than that..!

*..... meow..?*

yeah.. thats how i crossed my new year countdown.. with my cats.. lol.. and i guess thats the response from my blog as well..~ cos noone knows of it.. except for maybe.. 1. or 2.. ppl =/
but not that i have lots of things to say.. lol

so.. with this.. a new year will certainly bring many more new adventures and stories to unfold. i've made my new year wishes.. my resolutions.. and my hopes and dreams. now, its time to wait for them to happen. (certainly hope it'd all come true.. lol.)

its gonna be a great year im sure ^^

dreaming of a white christmas

2007-12-21T00:44:00.000+08:00

4 days to christmas..!

rain rain go away

2007-12-17T21:13:00.000+08:00

another week has past.. awful weather.. everyday raining nonstop.. until become so lazy to go out. hmm.. not much to update around here. nothing much happening ^^

monday blues

2007-12-10T12:29:00.000+08:00

its monday once again! and its raining as usual again. cant the rain just stop for some time.. if not im going to be stuck at home again! just like the past 2-3 days over the weekend. amazingly, my hp didnt ring a single time yesterday.. no msg.. no calls.. i guess noone misses me.. hmmm... ok now im depress... lol.

anyways.. 2 more weeks to christmas..! and 3 more weeks till school reopens. which one of this do i look forward to more? hmmm... for now.. i would say school reopening. but like every other ppl out there, who wouldnt want to have something to look forward to for christmas. ^^

ps. please please do stop raining. i cant even buy lunch at this rate if the rain nv ever stops. ><

lonely white christmas~!?

2007-12-07T01:53:00.000+08:00

-1st part-
wow.. what they say is really indeed true..! blink a couple of times, and time really flies. its already coming to the end of the year.. looks like i gotta conjur up my new year resolution up soon. which isnt tt easy because as usual.. my heads filled with so many stuffs that i dont know what is more impt.. lol.

so here is my draft(plus random thoughts):
1. wish that my appeal would be successful,
2. wish that i pass my driving on the 1st go,
3. wish that school would faster reopen(!?)
4. pick up golf
5. looking forward to the family car arriving in jan
6. and most impt.. think about my future.. bcos once again.. its been thrown up into the air.. from biotech(past), to marketing(currently studying), and maybe might be going into finance(dad/bro currently psycho-ing me).. hmm.. not bad.. i guess i only left the engineering sector that i haven done.. ;p
7. hmm... im sure i missed out something...
8. go on a holiday! yup.. wish this would happen to.. lol
9. keep fit! (yea.. who doesnt wish for tt. ^^)
10. i think i need to know more friends. amazingly, i am losing contact with more ppl than i am knowing new ppl.
11. and of cos.. my future other half. again.. who doesnt want that.. lol. im not in a hurry anyway. but it'll be a bonus if tt person appear. or maybe she already appeared..? hmmm.... who knows.. ^^

-2nd part-
*rumblings about my life for the past month*

went for reservist..! horrible.. absolutely horrible.. if u tot tt i spend lots of time to stone at home.. u havent seen anything yet! on one particular day.. we spent... 20 hrs..? sitting around.. doing nothing!! on the port! which basically is like.. roads & grass patches!! other than eating and slping.. waiting for the exercise to happen..

hmmm... other than reservist.. i went out with a couple of different friends.
most importantly..! --> met up with sl. really been ages since we last met. about 2 yrs. how time flies..! im really glad tt we got back into contact. hmm.. stuffs we did.. went walking ard town.. got my new burberry wallet(!).. took a neoprint(!!).. had a couple of dinners.. watch movie.. well.. i must say... she is pretty much the same as i last saw her.. character wise of cos.. which is good ^^

and also a few other friends that i too havent met for ages.. which are all good things. ^^

ps. if there is anyone out there who DO read my blog.. do drop a msg or two at the shoutout box alright? just so i know there are ppl who actually reads this blog.. =,= if there isnt anyone.. well... than i'll take this place as my diary.. cheers!

a new post

2007-11-05T11:46:00.000+08:00

a new layout.. for a new life? i hope so.. ^^

2007-10-11T21:41:00.000+08:00

dont know what im feeling.. hai.. feel so down.. no motivation.. not getting any as well... no attention.. no care.. no smile.. no jokes.. not even a decent conversation.. all i get is sarcasm.. attitude.. quarrels.. frustration.. just beside me.. yet dont feel her at all.. she jokes.. smiles.. laughs.. none of them are directed to me... but are to some other guy.. sometimes i wonder.. am i really her bf..? i dont feel like one.. i feel more like a maid... stale..? dont know... feelings gone..? hope not.. sigh.... for the first time.. i feel.. like.. maybe its not worth it anymore... i just want to be cared for.. thats all... be acknowledged.... not getting any now.. at least i dont feel im getting any... =/

happy 2nd year anniversary

2007-09-15T23:51:00.000+08:00

Happy 2 year anniversary. i hope the manner in which the day was spent isn't a sign for things to come for the many more special days that are still yet to arrive, because i do not feel that it mattered at all.

ps. im not looking for a quarrel.. i just feel very insignificant.. and, if i want to find someone closer my age.. i would have done that ages ago.

ps. ps. maybe they are right. i am indeed pampering and spoiling u silly... =/

爱的主旋律 - 卓文萱/小鬼歌词

2007-04-30T19:46:00.000+08:00

爱的主旋律 - 卓文萱/小鬼

男：是你在那个雨季走进我生命
带着一点任性和温柔的表情
女：是你在那个雨季赶走了孤寂
温暖的笑容换我仅有的甜蜜
男：天上一万颗星星我却只看见你
你说这是幸运还是不可思议
女：身边有太多风景我却停在这里
说我傻的可以还不是因为你
男：是你的声音
女：带给我勇气
男：恋爱的频率
女：直到我心底
男：如果你愿意
女：是的我愿意
合：带着我幸福的主旋律
男：从前的实际
女：现在我相信
男：天空会放晴
女：爱会更甜蜜
男：如果你愿意
女：是我的愿意
合：爱的主旋律

well...

2007-03-14T00:23:00.000+08:00

yesterday we spent the day together at home.. its been so long since we were together like tt.. when we hug each other.. its a feeling tt i hv been searching for.. the warmth.. the closeness.. really wish tt time would stop at tt moment.. or at least go slowly.. i really liked the feeling..

been wondering..

2007-03-11T23:09:00.000+08:00

recently she hasnt been wearing our ring.. i know it seem like a minor detail.. but.. it just bothers me as well (apperently im am easily bothered by many things.. lol).. because.. it really means something to me.. i wear mine.. wholeheartedly.. at every moment.. never taking it off unless absolutely nessesary.. seeing it missing from her finger.. really saddens me.. dont know why.. haiz.. my half of the ring.. means something really important to me.. thats why i carry it around with me all the time.. hopefully symbalizing her heart being with me.. but maybe it doesnt mean the same to her.. =/ it starts to make me wonder.. does it really matter if i wear mine all the time..? does it make any difference..? does it.. mean anything to her..? whether i wear mine or not.. of cos.. i would want to keep mine on all the time.. but.. there isnt much of a point if it doesnt mean anything to her.. haiz.. i wish i can ask her.. n that she would ans me.. cos i really want to know.. because it is something close to my heart.

hi

2007-03-11T01:14:00.000+08:00

we hv talked things out.. dun know if the results is gd or bad.. hopefully is that it will be a happy ending.. just hope for the best. i hv told her everything in my mind.. she has told mi hers as well.. lets treat this as a new starting point. =)

its been a long while..

2007-03-07T23:48:00.000+08:00

hmm.. very long nv come here to blog le.. no1 reads it anyways.. other den her.. i dun know what i am feeling.. i dun know wad i shd do.. suddenly the world i live in seem so unstable.. haiz..

many things hv happened.. things r different now.. even though my heart still belongs to 1 person.. suddenly im starting to doubt if its the same the other way around.. neglected n alone.. im feeling as of now..

i try to accomodate.. to improve things.. the things i do.. used to did.. seems to not be working anymore. im really lost.. i used to say to her.. if she gets lost along the way.. dont worry.. i'll guide her back along the road.. but.. it now seems that i am the one that is lost.. but there is noone there to guide me back.. i wish for that person to be her.. but will what i wish for comes true..? i dont know.. i hope it will come true.. really hope..

time we spend together nowadays.. proberbly less den a couple of hours.. times we talked on the phone.. maybe just totalling up a few mins here n there.. msgs that are sent by me.. jus seem to travel 1 way.. nth seems to be rebounding back towards me..

often i ask myself many questions.. not that i want to.. but i just seem to be alone that often.. with no1 to talk to.. with no1 caring for me.. am i selfish.. to ask for certain things? maybe im asking too much.. but i really dont know.. i feel that these are just the basic needs for me.. to not be depress.. to be back to normal.. especially in a time like this.. when so many things are happening.. but i cant find that.. no matter how i try.. i cant seem to find any..

she told mi she still has feelings for me.. upon hearing that.. i was really happy.. even though.. im not the only one.. i was genuinely happy.. but.. i dont feel it.. i really believe her words.. the things she said.. but what i hear.. n what i feel.. are not the same.. thats y.. im in such a state right now.. i try to seek the ans.. but its not coming out..

to meet her.. im very happy.. but.. is she happy..? i dont know.. she always seem vey annoyed by me.. apperently because i hv a "want to cry" face.. i cant control it.. even though i really dun hv the feeling to cry sometimes.. she stil says that she is annoyed by that look of mine..

normally.. there is always a reason why ppl will feel the way they are.. i feel the way i am now.. is proberbly because of countless reasons.. all being kept right inside of me.. i want to pour them out.. but i think she isnt interested in doing so.. or at least hear what i hv to say.. the slightest of things i try to say.. and she gets annoyed.. so i keep quiet.. thus.. that face or look that i have that makes her even more annoyed..

please.. tell mi what should i do. i know i am naive.. some frens said so.. some said im gullible.. believe everything i hear.. some say stupid.. some ask y am i still holding on.. of cos some try to console me.. saying that she is still young.. some say that its her lost.. some say things will turn out well..

its true.. i am tired.. but.. tired isnt a reason to quit.. i really want to see wad we promised each other to come true.. but.. i need support.. i really need something at least.. from her.. at least to indicate that what i am holding on to do indeed hv a glimmer of hope.. to indicate that i am doing the right thing.. that its all worth while..

i have become a shadow of what i used to be.. a fraction of what i can be.. i dont even think that i am myself anymore.. i hv little to no confidence.. i proberbly also swollowed down all my pride along the way.. ego..? i do have.. occasionally.. but that is also on its way down.. i've been called to many names tt i've lost count.. bullies..? nope.. she call me those names.. stupid.. idiot.. ugly.. are the more common ones.. i've had my hair pulled so hard.. she says she is playing.. says that if i not happy than she dont play with me anymore.. beaten by her on my face.. body.. slapped.. as much as i detest it.. i seldom say anything.. i dont feel good.. but i just let her.. i dont scold her.. i dont know how to.. i dont want her to get angry or annoyed because i scold her.. but yet.. annoyed n angry is what she gets most of the time when im around.. of cos i want to play with her.. but all these.. its more like abuse den playing.. its driving all my moral.. my pride.. my confidence.. all down..

sometimes when i try to tell her about certain things.. she says that if im really that unhappy.. lets break up.. i do not want to break.. i just want to solve the problem.. breaking up.. isnt solving anything.. i want to talk about matters.. maturely.. together with her.. the occational times that this happened, i was really pleased.. even if it meant bad things for me.. i am still glad in the end.. i just want to talk about things.. so that we know each other more.. so that nothing gets bottled up inside both of us.. its hard sometimes.. but its still better to do so..

sigh.. if there is a bigger failure den me around.. pls do tell mi.. because i think.. i am a huge failure.. i dont know why.. but i just feel this way. until someone can prove that i am not.. until someone shows me what a wonderful person i am.. until someone is glad to be around me.. until someone show me respect.. until anyone at all.. any person.. hopefully by her.. i will carry on to think that i am a failure.. because nothing i do.. nothing i say.. has any significance.. doesnt makes any difference.. especially to her.. i do hope that she will prove me wrong.. i really wish for that..

but for now.. im just a failure..

another day~

2006-12-10T23:27:00.000+08:00

hee.. hmm.. duno wad to blog about.. jus know tt mi now very happy.. cos jus chatted with my laopo.. she go slp le.. den mi blog 1st b4 go slp also.. hee.. muackx~! =x i love u sooo muchh. after ur exams nxt yr we go our honeymoon! hugx!!

yay! =x

2006-12-06T22:27:00.000+08:00

hihi.. v long nv blog le wor.. hee.. after countless scolding from my laopo.. im here again.. hee ><
hmm... today just got my exam results~ not bad la.. hee.. must go celebrate. christmas also coming le.. must go gai gai with my laopo.. lol.. go shopping! =x muacks~! *this is for my laopo of cos.. hee*
love u so much o

1 year & 1 month..!

2006-10-15T16:54:00.000+08:00

today us our 13th month together le..! but we nv go out gai gai.. cos she hv kendo n japanese lessons.. sobx sobx. but nvm! tml mi going to meet her early in the morning.. den come home n celebrate~ hee.. to make up for today.. ><>< nvm! mi fa fen tu qiang.. nxt time will work v hard.. earn lots of money! den can everyday bring her out to shop n play le.. hee.. mi also like to shop.. =x

laopo.. happy anivversary. another month pass by le. hugx! hope all the months faster faster pass by.. den we old old together.. hee.. hugx.

*0915*

i promise..

2006-09-17T22:51:00.000+08:00

laopo.. wo da ying ni... i promise u.. i promise u b4 tat i'll nv let go of my hand de... no matter wad.. i'll hold on to u as tight as i can.. n pull u along with mi de... i promise... i promise... u must believe in mi... u must believe in urself... believe tat u hv put ur heart with the right person.. let mi.. move along with u.. hugx...

*0915*

1 yr anniversary le..~

2006-09-15T20:10:00.000+08:00

today is our 1 yr anniversary... im so glad i hv her in my life.. today mi cook a meal for her. since long long time ago.. mi keep on saying wan to cook for her.. only 1 yr le den mi cook.. hee.. hope tat she like it.. but duno y.. she seem abit disappointed today... maybe the meal was not nice..? maybe she expected more frm mi? haiz.. or maybe mi jus think too much leh.. i jus wan her to be happy.. jus seeing her the slightest bit unhappy.. i will be affected le.

i jus wan u to be happy.. hugx. happy 1 yr anniversary my laopo. u are the most wonderful thing tat happened to mi. i love u.. muackx
*0915*

got scolding again for not updating~ =x

2006-09-08T21:23:00.000+08:00

lol... laopo.. hao.. mi promise to always update my blog le.. >< hugx~!

yayy!! laopo finally recover frm sickness le o.. can bring u go out eat n play le.. go eat all the good food!!! wan ma? hee.. muackx~!

nxt wk is our 1 yr together le wor... so fast hor... *blink eye more times.. hope 10 years faster go by* hee.. hugx~!! lovve u o laopo.. so glad to hv found u. muackx!

update~

2006-08-30T12:37:00.000+08:00

haha.. v long nv come n update my blog le.. den got scolding frm my laopo again.. hee.. mi here to update le~! but not v long 1.. cos mi going to sch soon.. so when mi come back.. den will update a long long long de kkiez~? hee..
anywayz this morning mi went to send my laopo to sch.. hee.. so happy to do so~ hugx~!! love u soo much o laopo. muackx~!!
hao la.. mi gtg le.. wait late for sch den mi get scolding again.. hee.. hugx~!!!

1 day after...~

2006-08-16T10:41:00.000+08:00

yesterday was our 11th month anniversary~! wa... time pass so fasthor.. especially with her with mi... hee. not much of a big celebration la.. jus wait for her to end school.. den we went to hv pizza hut for lunch~ hee.. amazingly.. everytime we go the pizza hut at tm to eat.. we always end up sitting at the same table~!! yes! must be cos that table hv our name or wad.. lol.

laopo.. 11 mths le o.. hee... hugx~!! so glad to hv u in my life. ^^

wednesday~ so close to the wkend.. yet so far..

2006-08-02T21:58:00.000+08:00

hmm.. today is my third day of sch.. so far so good.. every lesson almost fall asleep.. cos still not use to stuudying life.. hee.. anywayz.. today mi brought my laopo home.. to slack.. play.. played the sims.. ate noodles.. slept for awhile.. hee.. didnt do much.. but its nice la.. mi like being with my laopo.. muackx.. *love u so much* =x wish tt next week faster come though.. hee.. ;p

1st day of sch

2006-07-31T21:40:00.000+08:00

today was my 1st day of sch. after such a long time in the army.. mi finally needed to crack my brain open again le.. ><><>< cos mi n my 2 frens form a project group with 3 girls. haiz.. mi swear.. if there is a way to not know anyone else n lock myself up away from the world.. only to wait for my laopo.. do things with her.. go out with her.. n no1 else hor.. mi would sure do it de... i dowan her to be angry.. or sad.. or jealous.. i only wan her to be happy.. i try my best to please my laopo.. to do the things she say.. so tt she is happy. even if i think is v hard.. i still try.. cos at least i gave my best effort.
laopo.. i love u.. all tat matters is u. pls trust mi. i want us to be happily together everyday.. wan u to be free of worries.. wan to provide u with a comfortable life for u.. n our family. laopo.. i really need ur support. when everything is down.. when things doesnt turn out the way it should be for mi.. or when im sad... all tt takes for mi to be happy again.. is to hear ur voice.. giving n showing mi ur love for mi.. i know u seldom show it.. hee.. but i understand.. i know wad laopo is thinking all the time.. cos i understand laopo.. =)
i truely care so dearly for u.. mrs teh.. aka zheng guan ting.. hugx. let us walk into the rest of our lives together.. muackxx! i love u. my darling. *hugx*

n 1 more thing.. today laopo gave mi a water botter.. hee.. mi was so happy.. even though she didnt show it.. i noe tat she cares soo much more mi.. hee.. muackx..!!! laopo.. i love it wor.. mi will keep it dearly de.. hugx! cos it contains laopo's love for mi.. hee..

a fine week. ^^

2006-07-29T22:03:00.000+08:00

i finally colored my hair le~! haha... its "ash brown", but the way i look at it.. it looks the typical singaporean brown which everyone spots la.. duno y they give so many chim names to the same color.. lol.. anyways.. my laopo liked it. so im fine with it.. hee. i think it looks alrite as well.. nth to fanciful.. just something diff from the usual mi..(after 2.5 yrs of army tat is..) lol..

hmm.. this morning we went to the national library.. so malu.. from bugis we didnt know how to get there... so we took a cab.. lol.. it was jus a few metres down the road only.. -__- think the driver also v bu shuang.. make him lose business..
after tt.. she brought mi to her church. its been awhile le.. since she last went. but she really wanted to go.. i remember.. cos she has been saying tt since the 1st few months we were together.. but cos she dun hv much time.. we only manage to go today by telling her father she "going to national library". hee.. well.. i can see why she wanted to go to church tt much since b4.. she really let out all her stress.. hee.. its good.. whatever she chooses to do.. i'll always support her.. tts wad i told her.. ^^
im glad tat we went.. hee.. even though im not a christian.. i'll still try to accompany her whenever she wants to go.. *this i promise u o laopo* hee.. n hor.. dun see my face like wan to die or bored to death like tt.. my face is like tat de.. cos mi listening to wad they saying... interesting or boring.. my face lidat 1.. haha.. dun worry kk~? hee.. muackx~!!

baby gal.. laopo.. i love u so much.. hee. n i know tat u love mi just as much.. if not even more. correct? lol.. im glad to hv found u.. hugx. *lets step into the future victorously ba..!* hee.. muackxx!!! =x

sunshine after the rain

2006-07-23T18:04:00.000+08:00

hee.. finally yu guo tian qing le.. *phew..* mi n my laopo happily spending time together again. just dont ever let he parents see mi tats all.. if not.. there wont be a future for mi.. lol. *grumbles* aniway... laopo.. mi v happy tt u said u wont let go.. hee. it means alot to me. i will also tell u.. "mi wont let go de." ^^ muackx~ mi now must concentrate on study le.. n most importantly... saving money!!! lol.. only she noes wad it means. =x hugx~!

shit happens... haiz.. ><

2006-07-19T15:27:00.000+08:00

mmm... just recieved a msg from my laopo.. saying this few days dun contact her.. cos she got into some problem.. if not.. might get sent back to taiwan.. haizz... its my fualt.. i feel so guilty.. pls.. dun let her be sent back.. i need her..
laopo.. im so sorry.. sorry mi cant be there with u to face wad u r facing.. is there any way i can make it up to u.. pls tell mi. i'll be here waiting for this few days to go by.. waiting for u to msg mi again. wo men hui tao guo zhe ge jie nan de.. hugx. wo ai ni.. pls.. hear my prayers.. dun let her leave..

i made a mistake.. i drive myself crazy thinking of u..

2006-07-18T22:51:00.000+08:00

well... jus now my gf's mom saw mi when mi n her were gonna hv our dinner at the market... she was quite angry with my gf.. asked her go home immidietely. haiz.. i can only blame myself. shd hv spotted her 'lurking' at the void deck... yup.. she was really lurking. ><
now.. i feel very bad.. guilty.. my gf denied everything of cos. if not we would be dead. luckily.. we tao guo le this jie nan.
online.. my gf said to me.. maybe we shdnd meet tmr. i asked her y. she said she dont feel like seeing mi.. she liked walking alone. wanted to hv more of her time alone. and tat was the last i heard of her tat day le.
online, her sister told me not to b sad. i told her tt i kinda blame myself for all this.. jus wan to know if she is feeling alrite. she said, cant always blame myself.. haha.. cant help it i said.. im used to blaming myself when things go wrong le. she laughed also.

maybe.. i am really too "sticky" le. keep on "fan" her. i dont noe.. maybe so ba. but.. whenever i see her, my heart wakes up.. no matter how lousy my day was b4, it would all change in tt moment im with her.
whoever tat is up there.. i pray.. pls watch over her. dont let her walk the wrong path again.. i found her lost somewhere along the way.. brought her along with mi. n we found happiness. i wan her to be happy. not to everyday be alone again. not to be lost again.. pls.. whoever tt is listening, do help mi.. i believe tt we'll find our destination together. no matter wad danger or evil things try to pull us apart.. i'll always protect her frm them. not let them take her away.. dont take her away...
ya.. maybe she does need some personnel space.. everyone does.. mi understand.. i'll always listen to wad she tells mi. jus wan to noe tt she is fine tts all. i wan her to be happy with mi.
tts my dream.. n.. i'll try my best to make hers come true as well.

thanks.. for listening to wad i hv to say.. i am happy. happy to hv found u. happy to be with u.
hope everything turns out well..
i believe it will.. do u?

*~* arcticsea.ka0beiimy0 *~*

great shopping trip~

2006-07-08T09:46:00.000+08:00

wow.. im broke~ hee.. yesterday went shopping with my laopo.. spent about $300. lets see.. i got myself 2 tops n a 3/4 pants.. and some necklace. for her.. we got 3 tops.. a skirt.. some socks.. a chain.. n some necklace also~ so happy.. we gonna dress nice nice for a concert coming up this coming friday. our so call anniversary date~ cos just the nxt day is our 10 months anniversary. muacks~! gonna hv a fashion show on monday when we come home.. hee.. cant wait!! ^^

nervous times...

2006-05-31T00:14:00.000+08:00

recently mi n my laopo hv been v nervous bout some stuff.. hee.. im sure laopo noe wad im talking about ba? ^^ aniwayz.. i've been praying all e while. laopo dun worry kk? im always here for u de. no matter wad happens~ hugx. love u so so much.

hao la.. mi going slp le.. ^^
laopo wan an. *muackx*

days going by soo slowlyyy... ohh.. ohh... yeaah... (horrible singing) >.<

2006-05-28T22:08:00.000+08:00

another week has gone by le. wish time will go by faster. so tat i can end my army life asap! >.<

today went to meet my laopo at chai chee cc. cos they were having a taekwondo competition. which my gf was v excited about. hmmm.. yes yes. mi support my laopo to go learn. hee. n since she going to learn.. i must also buck up abit. so i decided to go take up kick boxing lessons! cos i wan my laopo spar with mi~ =x

today she also bite me. not once.. not twice.. but three times! on the same spot~!! n u know.. i tot i almost scream as the water flow over the area during my shower. >.<
but nvm.. mi yuan yu let my laopo bite mi.. hee. can also show off to ppl it they ask. i'll say, "see, love bite. my wife give mi 1" ;p lol..

*lovee my laopoo soo muchh*
*muacks+huggies!*
to *laopo* from *me* ^^

its going to be june~

2006-05-24T10:03:00.000+08:00

waaa... sob sob.. mi yesterday got scolding from my laopo.. sob sob.. wo zhi cuo le laopo.. so mi now come update my blog.. >< mi not big fat lier worr... might be big n fat.. but confirm not lier.. mi will nv nv nv nv lie to laopo de! muackx.. mi so touched.. read ur blog le.. sob sob.. wa.. so lucky to hv u in my life.. *hugx* i just wana hold u tight.. n not let u go.. ^^ i love u my darling. u are a part of mi. *muackx*

from mi to you

2006-04-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

this post is specially to my laopo, also known as "the girl that is soon to be engage to me by next yr n i want to spend the rest of my life with her". in case anyone doesnt know who she is, she's the girl in the picture together with mi on the front page of this blog.

never in my life hv i felt what i hv felt when im with u. i mood can be extremely down in the dumps, but once i see or hear ur voice, it shoots right back up sky high. to see u smile, is like seeing an angel float down from the sky.

i know all these may sound a little far fetch, but its true. every last bit of it. i am willing to give up everything, just to be with u. to see u happy. to see u smile. please believe mi when i say these. it may seem very simple, but its these simple things that make my day, brighten up my life, just as i would want laopo's life to be as bright as mine.

just one more week b4 our 7 month anniversary. how time flies so quickly. hopefully if i blink my eyes a few more times, we'll see ourselves at an ripe old age living happily, with our children, n our grandchildren, in front of us.

*0915* 2005 - the day we were together

*0915* 2006 - the day we are together for the 1st year

*0915* 2007 - the day we get engaged

*0915* 2017 - the day we'll get married

*zheng kaibin* *zheng guan ting*

.. i.love.you ..

from ka0beiimy0 to uu

2006-03-28T21:22:00.000+08:00

from ka0beiimy0 to uu

muacks, laopo.. love u so much.. im sorry tat mi cant pei u over the wkend.. cos my grandma in critical condition.. but mi told her not to go yet.. ask her to wait until our wedding day... so tat she can see.. mmm... mi also looking forward to tat day. hugx... thanks for forgiving mi for so so many times my baby.. i truely love u.. love u love u love u love uuuu!!! =x

16 march 2006~

2006-03-16T20:22:00.000+08:00

its been half a year le~ just a blink of an eye.. and 6 months hv past.. im really thankful tat i hv found u.. u keep my life going.. and ur my sourse of energy. hugx~! i promised u b4 tat i'll always be by ur side de.. n im gonna keep tat promise! n the many others tat i hv made.. haha..

zheng guan ting... i love u. *muackx*

*0915*
*~happy family~*

time to change

2006-01-06T21:29:00.000+08:00

okiee.. i've finally decided to change e direction of where this blog is going.. instead of writing random stuffs about my on-goings, i hv devided to hv this place dedicated to e on-goings of my relationship. yup.. solely tat. wierd? cos i really am quite bothered by a number of things.. well... some background info 1st... this is my first r/s. yes yes.. 22 n i only just had my 1st gf a few months ago.. pathetic? i dun think so. i felt tat all those yrs is worth e wait. cos.. i really believe she is the one.. yup.. we are only 3-4 months into it, but i love her. yes u heard it! i really do..

im 22.. she is 16.. 10-11 yrs later.. we plan to walk down e aisle.. haha.. crazy as it may sound to some.. i plan to make tat become reality. some will tell mi to wake up to e real world.. some will say it wont last.. i dun care~ i WILL make it last... i'll give her my all. jus as i believe she will do e same for me. In a world where everything has fall short n is still falling short of something of a perfect world, i can only try my best.. to make this my story.. our story.. 20-30 yrs down.. the story will be told to our children.. n hopefully.. be passed down to more generations.

wishful thinking? immature thoughts? not being realistic?
nope.. cos i believe.. tat dreams do come true.

laopo.. i love u with all my heart n soul. i'll always be by ur side.. in ur heart.
*muackx*

hao jiu bu jian ~

2005-09-19T22:09:00.000+08:00

lets seeeee... recently recently recentlyyy... i've been vv busy.. is like everything is just thrown at me from all e different directions! maybe bcos of this.. i hv been neglecting some of my frens.. *im sorry!* but im really quite shagged mentally n psysically.

hmm.. oh ya! went to watch "be with me". a show directed locally by eric khoo.. its a gd show to watch~ i highly recommand it.. it sets ur mind thinking about possibilities.. tat anything can or might happen anytime.. but if u do not give up.. life is still as meaningful.. giving u a kind of new found hope or something.. at least i think tats wads its trying to say. (ok.. i noe i suck at giving a movie review.. ;p) but yeah.. its a meaningful show. u might not cry.. cos i guess it didnt had enough "oumphhh" is it.. but i believe it wasnt meant to make ppl cry.. ^^

suddenly my life seems to spin faster.. things after things seems to pack themself behind 1 another.. n my "to-do" n "wish list" just gotten even more!
1) im now learning driving! *finally* aiming to pass by chinese new year
2) i wana go for a holday! (or two.. haha) to.. thailand ~ n to... taiwan ~
3) gotta settle my study plans by november! (im getting more n more stress frm this..)
4) n the last one... its a secret! *shhh...* haha ;p

jus hope i'll be able to hv enough slp for e following few wks.. cos its gonna get even more bz in camp.. *dame*

long awaited updatee

2005-09-01T14:19:00.000+08:00

wow~ its been really some time since i last updated this blog of mine. hmm... still e same.. rotting away in ns.. haha. but things are looking better at the moment. cos.. i made a new fren~! acutally.. not really frens.. maybe.. chatfren? mmm... haha.. she's kinda fun to chat with.. really brighten up my day sometimes! chatted with her on e phone a couple of times too. but she keeps saying this its kinda wierd e way we interact.. hmm... well.. maybe its wierd, but i do hope this r/s can progress. cos it would be too wasteful for it to be stuck at e 'chatfrens' category. lol.. ya.. tats about it i guess.. ;p

1st timee...

2005-08-28T20:07:00.000+08:00

wow.. i cant believe i would ever set foot into CHC.. i used to joked bout it with 2 of my poly frens.. tat we would sneak in to see how it is really like.. hahaha.. finally i did.. n.. hmm... dun really noe wad to say.. lol.. actaully.. it was yunnie tat brought mi in ~ we went shopping.. n after tat she literally dragged me along with her to e service! n it was a really longgg service ~ 3+ hrs to be exact.. cos they had some guess speaker paster from sweden.. >< well.. it was nice.. i mean to experience new kind of things.. even though i am not a christian.. i believe i can also learn frm wad e speaker said about life.. cos its quite true.. lol.. maybe i'll be hated also.. cos many ppl dun like CHC.. haha.. anyways.. dun think i'll go again.. unless... lol.. now i hv stiff neck frm staring at e giant screen at the top to look at e speaker.. arghh..

monday bluessz...

2005-08-01T23:01:00.000+08:00

its e 1st of aug..! lunar 7th month coming le.. oh no... wonder if anything 'funny' will happen in camp or not.. so exciting ~ yet kinda scary.. =x

hmm.. today went to NIE to meet sl, a v close fren of mine.. so thought i'd go earlier to meet some old frens n my ex prof, cos i worked over there for a yr during my 3rd yr in poly.. but was very unlucky! well.. they went for field trip.. so i was stuck there for roughly an hr.. while waiting for sl to end her lessons.. we went to jp n had billy bombers for dinner.. it was alright.. wasnt very spetacular.. but we certainly filled our tummys to the brim.. quite torturing actaully.. haha.. after tat wanted to catch a movie, so we head to sembawang.. but there wasnt any nice shows to watch.. so.. went home frm there. n it was only 9.30pm! quite early to be goig home.. haha.. i really enjoyed my time though.. ^^

haha.. incredible..

2005-07-30T21:42:00.000+08:00

once again.. i quote a fren of mine.. "u pay peanuts, u get monkeys." how true! n hey~ there r ppl calling us monkeys as well! n e thing is.. e person calling us tat.. himself is a freaking monkey as well! wow.. to call this working politics is just plain laughable.. cos these are just freaking childish behavior... (so some ppl reading.. u guys shd noe who i refering to la.. lol) if politics to 'some' are like tat.. den they shd be a kindergarden. cos really ~ these are just nonsense! com'on guys.. dun get irritated by wad ppl say. we understand ourselves can already. lets just sit back.. relex.. enjoy our time in camp(even though it sucks), and watch e show.. n see how they die in university. lol.. cheers...

btw.. to whoever.. i really hv nothin against u man.. but calling ppl names(whoever ur targeting at.. maybe even including me) is just plain childish on ur side.. no matter how much u hate us, ur stuck with us.. so as saf always say.. "suck thumb". live with it. maybe u'll learn something from all these.. n u'll be able to look back in e future n laugh about it. i certainly learnt new things frm all these.. but its quite rubbish anywayz. ;p

ps. i really hate talking about army stuffs outside of camp, especially writing bout it in my blog.. but blahzz.. these crappy things hv been ongoing for so long i really dun care wad ppl think anymore. i hv joined e 'zen club'. ;p so now.. im member of e 'k.f.c' n 'zen fc'. wonder wad more clubs are there to join.. hmmm...

meaningful quote

2005-07-30T19:12:00.000+08:00

Have u ever missed someone and felt terrible
because u think tat he/she doesn't miss u?

Missing someone is a terrible but at the same time,
sweet feeling.
U will be sitting around wondering if u meant anything to him/her.
Thinking if he/she ever cares about u.

Rushing to the phone once it rings hoping that it's him/her.

Looking out of the window hoping that he/she will
surprise u by appearing downstairs.

Sitting in front of the television but thinking of him/she
missing the final episode of your favourite show.

Laying on your bed, thinking of the last
time u wen
out together.

Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under the stars again,
talking about everything, your dreams, plans, future.

Logging on to the internet hoping to see him/her online.
When u realise that he/she isn't online and did not return your page,
u will start worrying if he/she is okay.

Missing someone is a way of growing up i guess.
It exposes u to loneliness.
It teaches u how to cope with being lonely and let u
know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness.

Sometimes it feels good to miss someone.
U know that u really care and u indulge in the
feeling of loving/caring for him/her.
But missing someone and not knowing if he/she is
feeling the same is terrible.
U feel as if u are being left alone.
So if u miss someone, tell him/her andet them know.
At the same time, ask if they miss u.

Don't let the feeling of missing someone become jealousy or paranoid.
If u are the one being missed and u know it,
let the other party know.
if u miss him/her too, tell them.
Don't let them wait.

~got it from some forum~

a new layout!

2005-07-24T18:07:00.000+08:00

decided to revamp my blog.. didnt really blog tat much.. but tot it would be nice to change a few things here n there. haha.. so wad do u think? quite a cute cartoon on the left i think ;p well.. hope tat i'll hv enough motivation to carry on blogging about stuffs.. but tats all for now. bbl~

Photobucket

2005-07-24T17:15:00.000+08:00

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

peanuts n monkeys

2005-06-01T21:24:00.000+08:00

quote of the day - u pay peanuts, u get monkeys.

how true~ especially in the stupid camp of mine.. haha.. absolute crap. n i really hv nth against jc students.. but sometimes.. the things tat they do.. r just stupid! i really dont know how else to put it.. baa.. 1 more year in the army n im gone.. ren yi shi, feng ping liang jin ;p

king of the house!

2005-05-28T22:06:00.000+08:00

ahhh! im all alone again at home.. haha.. cant believe it! after coming back frm a 1 month europe trip.. my mom went back to our jia xiang in KL... most prob will be there for a few wks.. while my dad.. after coming back frm a 4 day australia trip.. went to china for a business trip! leaving me all alone again.. baa.. i've been living alone at home for the last few wks again! omg.. well.. at least i can practice self dicipline.. >< (warm-up for living alone nxt time when i study overseas) haha..
not enough slp as well.. slept at 2am last nite.. cos was putting some finishing touches to some1's 21st birthday present.. n even though i did not hv any duty today.. woke up at 5am! to "drop off" the present.. haha.. but its all worth it.. ^^ hope she likes it..
speaking of birthday.. im starting to think i am old! last wk few personnels came into my camp.. omg! suddenly i am a senior.. haha.. but they r 4 yrs younger den me.. n they ord only a few months later den me.. wad is this world coming to! 1 of the oldest in my section.. yet 1 of the last to ord.. stupid army! making me feel so old.. lol..
ps.. my pocket has a huge hole n i am living by eating grass.. haha.. living alone without my parents can be such a hassel.. =p

hate me

2005-05-27T19:28:00.000+08:00

if u hate/dislike me.. dont act friendly with me.
if u have something to say.. say it in my face. not behind my back.
almost everyone hates "two faced" & "fake" people, yet.. why are there so many out there?
ironic isnt it.. being exactly what they state to hate.
....
am i becoming one amongst them?

i have seen many.. in school, during attachment, during work, in the army, even among my (so called) friends..

sad.. it is.. but, its part of this world.. & its here to stay.
like it, or not.

tiredd

2005-05-12T22:49:00.000+08:00

wa.. so tired recently.. sleep as early as 10pm.. but still like a zombie the nxt day! the running is really killing me ~ 6-7km n still increasing! nvm.. at least my ippt got silver le.. frm fail to silver! quite an improvement.. an extra $100 as well.. hahaha.. got my pay few days ago.. planning to go on a shopping spree. ^^

hai~ tmr is friday.. hving duty.. is not tat i mind.. just tat my frens r going east coast to drink.. jie jiu xiao chou they say.. haha.. well.. yeah.. its well needed.. can really see tat each of them hv thier own problems currently.. 1 is worried about his future studies.. cant get bank loan to go overseas.. another is a lonely fella.. n tat his nxt month duty forcast is shit.. lol.. i wanted to join them as well.. but i cant! haiz.. i really want to drink as well..

its been quite some time since i last step to the sea side.. sit down.. sea breeze in my face.. n really talk about life.. used to do tat during my o lvl period.. really very long ago.. the feeling can be quite nice. u will discover things.. whether u want it or not.. n also u'll feel better the nxt day. hmm... i hv my problems as well.. but there is really nth much i can do at the moment. only thing i can do is to just complete my ns 1st.. n see wad god has installed for me. hopefully is something gd.. lol..

a gal tat i used to like alot in poly recently broke up with her bf. happened to know cos somehow i was blog hopping.. n somehow i hopped onto her blog n saw it.. things can really changed in a few yrs.. they used to be the closest of couples then.. so close tat i would feel extremely jealous.. cos afterall.. she is the gal i liked.. haha.. but now.. an item they r not. anyways.. she is a very pretty gal.. n i am sure tat there will be guys lining up waiting to replace her ex. hmmm... too bad i wont be 1 of them. lol.. there is this strange feeling in me.. but im not sure wad it is.. but 1 thing is for sure.. its not the same as it was.. *confused* but anywas..! apperently she is recovering frm the break up quite well. quite happy tat she is moving on with life quite well.. as for the guy... hmm... he was my classmate for 3 yrs in poly.. but i nv talk to him b4.. unless proj or bo bian.. dun really liked him anyway. maybe cos he was with her. haha.. hey! ppl r selfish.. love IS selfish.. so shd i laugh at him now? nah.. im not tat bad a person. but wadever he did or do.. i dont care. cos i still treat her as a fren. n as a fren.. i will always care for her n wish her well. she might not know it.. but i do often think of her sometimes.. even though we rarely to almost nv contact each other.. but yeah.. it doesnt matter.. its already the past. maybe i didnt work hard enough.. or maybe i just aint fated for her... so many questions ~ haha.. too much time on hand isnt a gd thing.. enough enough..! gotta stop here.. its nv ending man!

ps. the layout of this blog seems a little boring after awhile.. maybe i shd change it soon.. yea.. tats wad i'll do =p

mother's day special

2005-05-08T23:14:00.000+08:00

its mother's day today! didnt celebrate.. cos my mom is overseas. but still like to wish her happy mother's day..!

its just 2 more days b4 payday! it could'nt come at a better timing.. im quite broke at the moment.. haha.. been spending too much recently i guess.. gotta stop this bad habit.. if not i wont be able to save up much money for my hol trip in july. besides tat.. i also lost quite a bit on majong with my frens yesterdae.. really unlucky.. nth else can describe tat session. >< aniwayz, nxt time i'll make sure i get back wadever i lost.. haha..

hmm... rained the whole day today.. its been some time since its been like tat.. kinda good.. cos at least its not as hot as other days.. but.. i was kinda wearing a jacket for e whole day.. haha.. tats how sensitive i am to cold weather.

okie okie... e last few post is kinda boring e shit out of me as well.. lol.. need to drastically change my style of writing. no worries.. my nxt post will be different..! if not i'll also be fighting the "z monster" nxt time when i read my archieves.

*going to sleep soon*

blank

2005-05-05T12:05:00.000+08:00

v long nv updated my blog le.. cos nth much to write about recently.. not much happening around me.. didnt go anywhere after i book out frm camp for the past month or so.. ahh... i hate going into self-pity mood.. but things aint happening for this feeling to go away.. sux.. ><

*countdown to july 2006 begins..*

rare n huge update..!

2005-04-26T14:54:00.000+08:00

havent updated my blog in a while cos was quite busy with various things around me... now tat i finally hv the time.. im gonna touch on a couple of things.

1stly, recently bought 3 chinese albums..! tat being F.I.R, JJ Lin & Li Shen Jie... overall, JJ's n Li Shen Jie's album r not bad! but tat cant be said about F.I.R's album.. didnt really live up to the hype i feel. But tats ok! cos felt tat the money r well spent! plenty of nice songs... some of wich will proberbly become classics. some of them i like r, for JJ's, jian jian dan dan & yi qian nian yi hou.. n li shen jie's chi xin jue dui..!

hmm... next up, just when i tot things in camp couldnt get any worst... it just did. -sigh- hard to describe, so lets just say its such a bad place.. everyone is dying to leave the place. shall not comment much.. the more i say the more i want to leave the place asap as well.

on a sidenote... i finally put in my leave application~ really want to hv a break from all these nonsense. too bad hv to wait till july... but its better den nothin! haha.. kinda miss the beach.. i like the seaside. everytime i see the sea.. i feel calm n happy, like there's a reason for me being here.. like there is a greater purpose in life. sadly.. reality always come crashing down on me quite as soon as i step back into my daily life. bleahz...

recently, i notice tat i tend to see certain things differently from how i use to see them.. different flow of thoughts n different prospectives.. i realise things tat i never thought of b4.. like my mentally is changing.. is this good? is it bad? am i changing? or worst? or for good..?

lastly... i was taking a cab the other day, and this uncle was talking non stop.. so might as well entertain him for awhile.. since there is nth else i can do except sleep in the cab. he went on about how he was during his army days... den went on to wad his sons r studying n doing.. lastly youngest nowadays being able think better den ppl of his generation. n den bcos i said i wont take cab normally cos i earn v little per month.. he ask.. "xiao di..! shi bu shi gan shi jian ah.. qu meet nu pen you ah? haha.. bu ran wei she me hui cong na me yuan ta taxi dao jurong..." at which point i pointed out tat i dont hv a gf.. n he said! "na li ke nen! ni ren zhang de shuai! ren you hao.. you na me hui hui jiang hua. na xiang wo na liang ge er zhi." mmm.... morale of the story? taxi uncles r very talkative, kpo n blind. i am not shuai, my ren is not hao.. n i definately am not good at talking!
ps.. taxi uncle.. this has nth to do with ur sons.. =p

decisions decisions

2005-04-20T21:50:00.000+08:00

i hv decided! i am going to leave once i ord. y? cos.. somehow i dont feel any connection to this place.. haha.. wierd huh.. maybe my mentally will change once im away. ppl normally realise wad thier missing once they lose it. so, who knows! only time will tell.. anywayz, only thing now is to comtemplate between carrying on with biotech or switching to business.. well.. still hv some time to go.. gotta make up my mind soon.

today is also the day that my mom left for london... hai.. wonder when will she come back.. 3 wks? a month? hopefully.. it'll be soon. its quite pathetic hving only my dad n myself at home. kinda sad..

good news? i've learnt 2 new songs on the piano! well... the opening of 2 new songs at least.. haha.. yup.. right here waiting n an jing.. the 2 most common to learn on any instrument.. =p will keep practicing hard until i manage to play the whole song. watch this space!

quote of the day - some pursue happiness... others create it.

tuesday..!

2005-04-19T21:31:00.000+08:00

1st official post..! *congrats congrats* finally after months of rotting away in ns.. i've started to learn some new stuffs to keep things interesting in my life! some of them are hip hop n piano...! hopefully i'll stay focus on learning and not waste my 2 n a 1/2 yrs in the army..

wad a day today... sat under the sun while doing escort of some contractors in camp.. quite boring.. drank lots of water.. fed lots of mosquitoes.. >< hopefully days like these will end soon! but i really doubt so. but i shouldnt complain.. should i? =/

1st post...!

2005-04-14T21:59:00.000+08:00

test test..! "coming soon!" =p

hmmmm........ *lots of things to think about*